Families Connected Resources

Know what’s age appropriate for your child

Remember that all kids develop social and emotional skills differently. If kids don’t meet every milestone for their age right away, that’s OK. If you’re concerned that a child isn’t hitting many of these milestones, keep track of what you’re seeing. Share your concerns with others who can help. Parents, caregivers, teachers and health care providers can all play a role in helping kids build social and emotional skills.

For students grades 6 - 12: Do a check-in

Watch this 15 minute video featuring South Bay high school students discussing some of the challenges they are facing socially now that they are back to in-person learning. Have your tween or teen watch it with you, or on their own, and initiate a conversation by asking the following questions: 

• Do you relate to any of the students’ experiences in the video?

• What are you feeling about the social dynamics you are experiencing at school?

• What would you add if you were part of this video?

Active listening tips for this exercise and those below: To connect authentically and help role model listening skills for your child, consider these practices:

• Listen to understand their feelings rather than listening to “fix it”. For example, though this comes with the best of intentions, responding to a comment like “No one likes me on the soccer team,” with, “Well, that’s not true! Everyone on your team loves you,” negates their experience and perspective and shuts down the conversation. 

• Sit with them in their emotions, even though it may be uncomfortable. Rather than reacting, consider saying, “Tell me more about that.” The act of letting them feel heard helps with connection and may be all they need in that moment. 

• Avoid assumptions that might cause you to interrupt with your own perspective, story or solution. 

• Ask them how they would like you to listen. Would they prefer that you simply listen to understand, or would they like to brainstorm solutions with you. It’s possible that brainstorming will be more effective in a second conversation after they have regulated their emotions and had a chance to vent.

For students K - 5: Connect with empathy for others’ experiences and perspectives

For students K - 12: Discuss what it means to be a good friend and qualities they might consider when choosing new friends

For students K - 12: Access parenting strategies and tools to help your child build social awareness and skills

Watch this video featuring Monica Fyfe, MFT, BCBA, RPT-S where she focuses on her favorite topic, teaching interactions to facilitate social skills. Click HERE to start the video where Monica begins listing her 6 steps, which are:

1. Label the skill (examples: when speaking more assertively with others, you can label that as “brave talk”, if your child is dominating conversation without leaving much room for others to speak, label that as being a “conversation hog”)

2. Provide a rationale (discussing why a certain social skill is important and sparking conversations with your child about it)

3. Model the skill (example: acting out certain behaviors for your child and then discussing it. You can act out a social situation and ask your child, “What did I do wrong here?”, then act out the scene again using your child’s suggestions. After “fixing” your behavior, ask your child, “What did I do better this time?”.)

4. Practice the skill (example: have your child act out a social situation the right way, then you can discuss with your child what you noticed they did well. Keep practicing with your child! If siblings and/or friends are involved, all can participate by giving the thumbs up or “cool” to label a positive behavior, or a thumbs down “not cool” to label a negative one. Avoid judgment and labels like “good” or “bad”.)

5. Cognitive rehearsals (example: your child is nervous before an event and instead of taking the time to act out situations, you can name the behaviors that you want to reinforce, such as, “Use your brave talk and take a deep breath”.

6. Apply skills to real life (be sure to praise your child for their efforts and give positive reinforcement. Example: “Wow I noticed the way you used brave talk back there. That was very cool!”. When giving feedback, be sure to explain from the perspective of their friends, rather than what you would think they didn’t do well. Start with something positive, then point out a moment that they can improve upon, like, “I noticed your brother’s face when you dropped the controller and didn’t handle losing the game very well. How do you think he was feeling?”)

Related resources for parents and guardians

Access resources created for teens

Curated Gallery of Resources

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Featured national articles and tools

• How to Help Your Child Manage Frustration (PBS Parents)

• SEL for Students: Social Awareness and Relationship Skills (Greater Good Science Center)

• Positive Peer Relationships (Greater Good Science Center)

• Social and Emotional Skills at Different Ages (Understood)

• 6 Ways to Improve Your Child’s Social Skills (Brain Balance)

• Teaching Social Skills at Home (Child Mind Institute)

• Social Skills Ages 2-8 (PBS Kids for Parents)

• How to Teach Your Child About Personal Space (Understood)

• Types of Social Cues (Understood)

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